Tuesday, 2 March 2010

What happens at 5am...

*Tap, tap, tap.*

*Tap, tap, tap.*

Something's tapping my head. What the hell is it? I prise my eyes open...


Hey little one. What time is it?

Time for you to get up.

Erm. No. It's 5am. It's time for sleep.

But wait, I have to tell you something.

You really don't, just go back to sleep.

I do. I just want you to know how much I love you.


No I really do, I'll show you how much I love you by rubbing my nose all over your face.

Thanks. I love you too, see, I'm stroking you. Now go back to sleep.

I don't think you get how much I love you. I love you so much I want to lick your chin.

That's horrible, it feels disgusting. I don't want you to love me in that way. Now. Go to sleep. The boyfriend's alarm is going to go off in 45 minutes, that's not long, then he'll feed you.

Oh my god I completely forgot about him, he's in bed too, excuse me while I climb over your face to get to him.

*Tap, tap, tap.*

No don't tap the boyfriend. Don't wake him up. I just said didn't I that he's getting up in 45 minutes, this last hour of sleep is important to him.

But I love him. AND I LOVE YOU. I'll just walk across the boyfriend's head to get to you. HELLO. Have you missed me whilst I've been the other side of the bed?

Yep. Loads. Now. Let's go to sleep again.

But I love you. You know how much I love you? I love you so much I need to needle at you.

*Needle, needle, needle.*

Actually that's really painful, can't you just love me in a non-violent way? Maybe just needle the quilt instead.

No it has to be SKIN. Otherwise you won't get how much I love you.

I swear I do. And seriously, the alarm's going to go off soon so why don't we just accept that I love you and you love me and have a little sleep.

Maybe. Actually no, I think I'll just wake the boyfriend up now, he won't mind...hey get off me!

No I won't get off you. You will lie here quietly with me, the boyfriend wants to enjoy his last half hour of sleep.

Ok. Fine. I'll stay with you. But only if you let me....I don't know....sleep on your head.

That's fine.

Excellent, I can needle your scalp from here. It's nice. Is relaxing.



sallyrose45 said...

I used to have a little pussky that loved me so much that she would needle my head, and then when I pulled the cover over the top she would go down to my feet and nibble them instead.

I miss cats!

My friend's tabby is going to have gatitos soon and I want a little lady so I can call her Pepita!

Tabiboo said...

'sigh' indeed!!

Our old ginger tom was exactly the same but weighed about a stone so it was either gut up or stop breathing!!!!

Petit Filoux said...

lol frigging hilarious

Christopher said...

Your cat talks? Get it on stupid pet tricks - you could get on Letterman.

Maria♥ said...

Absolutely hilarious..lol..hubby and me just sat here cracking up and relating to it!


Heather said...

lol, brilliant!

P said...

I'm sorry. i know I shouldn't laugh.

But it's funny. And I know you kinda want me to laugh really. :)

Simone said...

That's so funny. It reminds me of Simon's cat on You Tube!

The Sequin Cat said...

So cute. Your catso sounds very loving. In a needy way.

Adventures of a Sequin Cat

The Curious Cat said...

awww...know this only too well! Marley is a complete pro at this game! He deliberately claws things in the bedroom so my mum goes awol! It works every time...

PinkCat said...

Definitely a familiar start to the day. Fluffy Cat enjoys a good sprint around the hallway at five in the morning using the base of the bed as her 'homey'. One day I shall have to join her for some early morning exercise. x

Anonymous said...

I have one sitting beside me, which uses very similar tactics. Sigh!

Miki said...

This post is wonderful, it really brought a smile to my face ^_^ I am also familiar with the "I love you so much I need to perforate your skin" approach... I adore cats, but I wish that they didn't practise that particular habit.