A post about a lot of random things

1. My INR result is 2.2 as of Sunday afternoon. Hurray hurray hurray celebrations galore. Thank you to all of you who kept their fingers crossed for me, it must have worked. 2.2 is within range (I have to be within 2 and 3) so I now no longer have to inject the Fragmin. Which is a relief because this is what my stomach currently looks like.

I know. Too much information isn't it? Ah well. I like to share.

I'm back at the clinic on Friday morning and hopefully all is stable and good and well.

2. I have a new anti-coagulant friend. His name is fluffy cat and he lives at the house next door to the clinic. He's usually waiting to be let in the house and he sits on the recycling bin then when he sees me he comes to say hello. I love him.

3. Did you want to know how the baby moorhens are doing? They're doing great, and growing up nicely. They don't hang about in the big group anymore, there's usually just one or two about on their own. They still have enormous feet.

4. Fred and Lily have now gone home and I will miss them muchly. Lily had a habit of climbing in things this past week, two examples are shown below. Photos that I missed included when she climbed in the laundry hamper and when she climbed into the shower and sat looking out at me. Fred did nothing hilarious so there are no photos of him.

5. The blanket is finished!! I do intend to take better photos of it in decent light to show you but for now you will have to do with this photo of Lily modelling the finished item which is currently residing on the back of the sofa.

6. And now to the point. I am taking a break. A break from blogging. Inspiration has been in short supply lately and there are going to be some changes and upheavals going on very soon. I think you probably know what's coming. So until I can get my head sorted out I'm going to have to love you and leave you for a while.

I'll still be hanging out on the blogosphere, reading your blogs and commenting away. I'm far too nosy to go completely silent.

So I'll see you when I see you. Knowing me it won't be long. I'm prone to the dramatics.

And posting pictures of my stomach.

This bank holiday I...

1. Went to the anti-coagulant clinic every day

As I mentioned in my post on Friday, my INR reading had gone down, i.e. not the right direction. This has meant my warfarin dosage has been bumped up and a visit every day to keep an eye on it. I am also now injecting myself with Fragmin, a fast-acting anti-coagulant, in an attempt to thin my blood out more quickly. Injecting myself was a quite frankly terrifying prospect but it's not a big deal anymore, I just have to grab a load of fat on my stomach (I knew there had to be a good reason for me being overweight!) and stick the needle in. It doesn't hurt too much, just a little scratch and I feel very brave when I do it.

At the time of posting my INR is stuck resolutely at 1.7 and has been for the past 3 days. It just doesn't seem to be onboard with the whole concept of thinning out. I'm now taking 10mg of warfarin, which is a pretty hefty dose, and injecting the fragmin every day. I'm back at the clinic on Friday afternoon so fingers crossed there'll be a 2 on the machine!

2. Went to a barbeque.

We were undeterred by the rubbish weather because we are hard. BBQs suck when you're on Weightwatchers because there are way too many points on offer. It is very annoying. But I did my best and had quite a bit of the sweetcorn because that's all good. It was also one of the first times I was surrounded by drunk people and not being one of them. It was strange. And annoying.

3. Attended a stitch-a-thon.

One of our Stitch & Bitch group is off to Ghana for a couple of weeks in August to a charity she worked with before. They are currently trying to raise funds to buy a landrover to get between villages and we held an all day stitch in at a cafe in Hull. We had a little bucket and told friends and family and people came and stuck change in our bucket and admired our stitchery activities and we managed to raise £115. Not a bad day considering we basically wanted an excuse to sit about and stitch all day. I managed to start and finish this piece for the exhibition at the end of the month.
4. Did some crocheting.

Oooh what does that picture look like? Does it look like I've joined all my squares together? Oh hell yes. I managed to join all my squares together after a lot of dramatics and eye-rolling and squeals of temper. Now there is just the edging to do (no idea what I'm doing with that) and it is finished. Can't quite believe it.

5. Revelled in getting an extra day off

Although I generally think of work as something which gets in the way of doing the things I really want to do, I have to admit that sometimes it has its benefits. One of those being that we get an extra 3 days holiday a year for free - usually the Tuesday after the last bank holiday in May, the Tuesday after the August bank holiday and a day at Christmas. I didn't do much with today, especially as it's rained all freaking day but any day at home is better than a day at work.

6. Picked up two visitors
Mum is off to stay with my sister for a few days so we have taken delivery of Fred and Lily. So far they have mainly slept. I keep going in to the bedroom and fussing and poking them but they've been resolutely boring. This is why they bug us at 3am - they sleep all frickin' day.

7. Got my bake on
Haven't baked since starting Weightwatchers because the thought of finding out how many points were in the stuff I was making made my brain bleed a little bit. However, the WW website has some recipes and today I made banana and Malteser muffins. Only 4 points each, thus eliminating the guilt out of eating something 'bad'. I will be rewarding myself with one tonight because I just found out I've lost another 2.5 pounds (meaning there's officially 10.5lbs less of me than there was 3 weeks ago).

Mission Impossible

Name: Agent Fred

Mission: Wake up The Girl or the boyfriend via the medium of needling their bare skin

Bonus mission: Manage to draw blood

Mission accomplished: 4.30am Saturday. The Girl gets a bleeding chin.

Name: Agent Lily

Mission: Wake up The Girl or the boyfriend via the medium of biting their toes

Bonus mission: Manage to draw blood

Mission accomplished: 6.00am Saturday. The boyfriend gets a bleeding toe.

...

After getting in trouble for having Fred and Lily last time I decided to be brave and ask permission to have them for a week when Mum went away on holiday. Actually I got the boyfriend to do it because I'm not really that brave.

Anyway they said yes so they are here on their first official 'legal' visit.

The flat is now covered with the layer of fur...

Mabel's story

Do you remember Pumpkin?

So. Pumpkin died and the RSPCA said we could come and pick a new cat when we felt ready.

We had to wait a while until kitten season was established (it’s a bit like deer season except there’s less blood and killing of animals. In fact it’s the opposite of deer season come to think of it) and we then went to make our pick.

Every weekend we were within a whisper of getting our new cat but we just kept missing them. The RSPCA has a somewhat bizarre system which means you are unable to ‘reserve’ a kitten to come and collect when it’s old enough to leave home. Instead you have to be quick off the draw on the day that they go up for adoption.

It was time to get serious.

We’d seen a litter of gorgeous kittens, all lovely little tabbies and Mum had her heart set. The following Saturday they were coming up for adoption.

That weekend I was away and when I switched my phone on in the morning I had one from my Mum to say that she was at the centre and was ready to do battle. This was at 6am.

And she wasn’t the first there.

(seriously)

At 7am someone came out and gave them numbered tickets and at 9am, when they officially opened, there was a queue of about 20 people and in no way enough kittens to go round. Aah well. You snooze you lose. Literally.

By the time I came home on Sunday our new kitten had been named Mabel (I’m not entirely sure who came up with that one).

(Why yes that is me hiding behind her, how nice of you to ask)

I think the best way to describe Mabel would be to say she had ‘character’. Another way would be to say she had ‘mental problems’.

She absolutely loved climbing. Mainly people. It was hilarious when she was a wee thing and she would scramble up your legs and body to get up to your shoulder. It became less hilarious when she got older and heavier and her claws got sharper.

She was also obsessed with water. She was my constant companion whenever I did the washing up and would howl outside the bathroom door until you let her in whereby she’d come and sit on the side of the bath, staring intently in (which was actually quite creepy).

But the one thing she loved more than climbing and water was being outside.

We could not keep her in. “Wait until she’s about 6 months and then let her out” the vet said. Yeah, right, ok then. She could sense when you were going to make a move towards the door and would hurtle towards it to try and get out. Eventually we bought one of those harnesses so she could come outside and wander about safely. Also it was summer and we were sick of having to keep all doors and windows closed.

One evening, a friend came round for a natter. She was telling me about a friend’s cat, Molly, that had just gone missing. Mabel was outside, doing her thing, she was old enough to go out alone now and she liked to just potter about the garden, checking out the birds. She appeared at the window to be let in and I brought her inside but she was adamant she wanted to go back out. It was late but she’d been out at that time before so I opened the window for her.

“Go on and find Molly” I said.

Talk about famous last words.

We never saw her again.

She just vanished into thin air. She’d never even gone outside the garden before, so to completely disappear was just bizarre.

We called and we searched and we called and we searched. We put up posters but nothing was ever seen or heard. She was micro-chipped so if she was picked up we’d have known about it. Same if there’d been an accident on the road, they check and inform you if they pick up any dead animals. She was just, not about anymore.

(So you can see why I freaked out when Fred went missing that time)

I sat in guilty silence for a long time. Mum still doesn’t know what my last words to her were. If only I’d kept her in she’d still be here.

But you know what? I think she’d have made her escape anyway, she was just one of those cats that would never really be tame.

Mum remains convinced that someone stole her because she was so pretty but I like to imagine her still out in the wilds of Hull, climbing things and chasing birds. Possibly with Molly, who never turned up either.

Breaking the law

I have to tell you something.

I'm a law abider.

I know. Shocking isn't it?

I don't know what it is about me but I just have to follow the rules. Sometimes I don't even question the rules, I just blindly follow them without hesitation.

Who knows why this is. Some people were born to break rules, others were meant to followthem. There could be a whole nature/nurture debate. Do I follow rules because I was brought up to just do what I was told - by my Mum and the private school I attended? Did I follow the rules because I just like an easy life? The debate will rage on endlessly I'm sure.

I had one detention throughout my whole school career. And that was for being caught inside school premises at lunchtime when I should have been outside.

Rock and roll or what?

I was absolutely mortified however and to be honest I still am. Maybe this is why I don't break rules - the feeling of shame is such that it burdens my soul. If I am breaking a rule I spend that much time panicking and worrying about getting caught that it's really hardly ever worth breaking the rule in the first place. I'm just always certain that if there's a group of people doing something they shouldn't and one of them is going to get caught, that person will be me. I am just always that person. The person who fainted in the senior school production of Carmen? Me. The one child to come back with her leg in a brace after the school skiing trip? Me. (I know, productions of Carmen, skiing trips - yes I did go to a private school. Try not to hate me.)

Sometimes. Just sometimes though. The pain and agonising and worrying about getting caught are worth it.

Case in point 1

and Case in point 2.

Now technically Fred and Lily shouldn't come and stay with us. We have a 'no pet' clause in our contract although technically they're not our pets, which I guess is a loose interpretation of the law.

So yesterday when my phone rang and the person on the other end said she was from our letting company, I got a little worried feeling in my stomach...

"I just wanted to check something with you and it might be a misunderstanding but when we took you on as tenants there is a 'no pet' clause in the contract and we've reason to believe you've got 2 cats living in your flat."

After I had managed to stop myself from relieving my bladder all over my trousers and dealt with the wave of nausea and intense hot flush I was experiencing, I did what all people in my situation would do.

Tell the truth.

Now don't get me wrong. I can lie when it's required. There are many times when I have delivered an Oscar-worthy performance. But the first rule of getting caught out? Tell the truth. Lying will only make it worse. If there is one piece of wisdom I could impart to you, this would be it.

I explained that they were not our cats (true), that they were my Mum's cats (true), that they were being picked up at 5pm that day (true), that they had only been there for a few days (true) and that we had tehm because my Mum had been suddenly called away for an emergency and didn't have time to put them in the cattery (not true - but a small lie is ok as long as it is surrounded by truths. Says me.)

My immediate thought was "OH MY GOD WE'RE GETTING KICKED OUT!" which flashed like a beacon over and over and over in the my head as I apologised and apologised and apologised to the letting agent.

She actually seemed fine about it, just said if we needed to have them again could we call and let them know and that what had happened is that the landlord had come round to visit the property and had seen them staring out the window.

I had to suppress a laugh because the image that popped into my head was that of this photo I took that morning before I left for work...

I spent the rest of the day in a rather wobbly panic. I had visions of us never being able to rent a flat again because we'd be blacklisted. I had visions of the landlord waiting for us at the flat to evict us. I was, quite frankly, a bit of a state. And most of all, running through my head was the fact that there would be no more Fred and Lily visits.

And really it was unnecessary because, as the boyfriend pointed out, the landlord would be pretty foolish to evict us seeing as he's already got 2 empty flats in the building and, most importantly, she didn't say we couldn't ever have them again, she asked us to let them know next time.

So the panic gradually subsided, although I still do not like the feeling that I've done something wrong. Now that lady on the end of the phone knows I'm a RULE BREAKER. That's a feeling i don't like.

But watching these two look after each other is a feeling I do like.

What happens at 5am...

*Tap, tap, tap.*

*Tap, tap, tap.*

Something's tapping my head. What the hell is it? I prise my eyes open...

HELLO!

Hey little one. What time is it?

Time for you to get up.

Erm. No. It's 5am. It's time for sleep.

But wait, I have to tell you something.

You really don't, just go back to sleep.

I do. I just want you to know how much I love you.

Good.

No I really do, I'll show you how much I love you by rubbing my nose all over your face.

Thanks. I love you too, see, I'm stroking you. Now go back to sleep.

I don't think you get how much I love you. I love you so much I want to lick your chin.

That's horrible, it feels disgusting. I don't want you to love me in that way. Now. Go to sleep. The boyfriend's alarm is going to go off in 45 minutes, that's not long, then he'll feed you.

Oh my god I completely forgot about him, he's in bed too, excuse me while I climb over your face to get to him.

*Tap, tap, tap.*

No don't tap the boyfriend. Don't wake him up. I just said didn't I that he's getting up in 45 minutes, this last hour of sleep is important to him.

But I love him. AND I LOVE YOU. I'll just walk across the boyfriend's head to get to you. HELLO. Have you missed me whilst I've been the other side of the bed?

Yep. Loads. Now. Let's go to sleep again.

But I love you. You know how much I love you? I love you so much I need to needle at you.

*Needle, needle, needle.*

Actually that's really painful, can't you just love me in a non-violent way? Maybe just needle the quilt instead.

No it has to be SKIN. Otherwise you won't get how much I love you.

I swear I do. And seriously, the alarm's going to go off soon so why don't we just accept that I love you and you love me and have a little sleep.

Maybe. Actually no, I think I'll just wake the boyfriend up now, he won't mind...hey get off me!

No I won't get off you. You will lie here quietly with me, the boyfriend wants to enjoy his last half hour of sleep.

Ok. Fine. I'll stay with you. But only if you let me....I don't know....sleep on your head.

That's fine.

Excellent, I can needle your scalp from here. It's nice. Is relaxing.

*sigh*

This weekend I will be mostly...

1. Laughing at these two.

Yep, they're back for a visit and will be staying until Wednesday. Hopefully there'll be plenty of hilarious photo opportunities like the above. Yes they seriously both got in those bags by themselves. They know I need good photos to show you guys.

2. Le cross stitch.

We have a project on the go at Stitch & Bitch, hoping to put on a mini exhibition. I think this one deserves a post all of it's own on another day though.

3. Shopping for wool

I need to stop putting it off. Just go out. Buy the wool. Attempt the crochet. I will not be defeated by the devil's craft!

4. Getting my bake on

Haven't baked anything since before Christmas. Mostly because there's an unfortunate side effect of baking. Having to eat the produce. I either eat it and feel guilty because if there's one thing these hips don't need, it's extra inches. Or I don't eat it and end up throwing it away. Equally not good.

5. Enjoying a Saturday night in

This is the first Saturday night I'll have stayed in for 6 weeks. I know, I'm such a giddy party animal aren't I? My post box is simply overflowing with invites to all the best shindigs. No, not so much. It just happens there's been a flurry of activities lately and I find it actually impossible to say no in case I never get another invite out and have to spend the rest of my evenings in for eternity.

What will you be mostly up to this weekend?

Why I won't be eating crisps this weekend.

Have I ever mentioned that I love crisps?

(Oh my god make her shut up about them)

So you know how your parents can pass on certain traits and characteristics to you?

(Don't worry I'm not trying to start a whole nature vs nurture debate.)

Like for instance my Mum has passed on a debilitating fear of moths and butterflies to myself and my sister. I know, I know they can't hurt me but if you want to see me run, stick me in a room with a lightbulb and a moth. Usain Bolt aint got nothing on me.

Anyway.

So I'm pretty sure that I've passed my crisp addiction on to Lily and Fred.

(Yeah they're my babies.)

They go totally loopy for them and the trouble is they're so ruddy quick. You're sitting there, enjoying your crispage and suddenly out of nowhere a paw appears and your crisp has been swiped.

Most probably along with most of the skin off your finger.

They've come to stay for the weekend and last night I was having my daily crisp intake. You can try and be vigilant and make sure they're not around. The other option is just to shove them all as fast as you can in your mouth (which is a pretty cool option, I'm not going to lie).

But sometimes you get engrossed in something and this happens....

Mutilated thumb ahoy! Courtesy of Fred.

Much as I love my crisps I think I like my fingers more.

(But only just)

And Fred's crisp of choice?

He's a classy boy.

(PS Have you entered the giveaway? Did you want to enter? Clickeroony here and go for it - you have until Sunday 21st 12pm.)

If these photos don't make you smile you're not normal

Been a silly Girl lately so been a bit quieter than normal on the blog front.

It'll all be back to normal soon though.

Until then, just look at this photo of the Fred and Lily I took the other weekend when I went round to see Mum...

Hope you all have a happy Friday and I'll see you soon.

LOOK AT THEM!!!

Pumpkin

Just over two and a half years ago, Mum and I moved into a new house. It had been a long time coming – the old house had been on the market for 2 years and we had spent the previous 9 weeks homeless due to a deal falling through on the house Mum was hoping to buy.

Those were 9 long weeks. Everything we owned was in storage. We had a suitcase each with a week’s worth of clothes in (the length of time we initially thought we would be between houses) and that was it.

It was beyond wonderful to finally have a home. I was not cut out for a nomadic life, sleeping on people’s floors and not knowing from one week to the next where we would be staying the night.
Three days after we moved in was a Saturday. We were still living amongst boxes and trying to figure out where everything would go when Mum announced...

“I want a kitten”

I wasn’t that surprised. I’ve never known a house without a cat and we’d had to put down Pickle, our cat of 12 years earlier in the year. In a way it was fortunate because who knows what would have happened to her during our homeless period. Either way I think now that there was a home again it needed a cat and when Mum makes up her mind...well....it’s as good as done.

We took ourselves off to the RSPCA where we both immediately spotted a gorgeous little tortoiseshell – nose pressed against the glass while her brothers and sisters played. She was ready to go home.

Once we got her home we realised that we had forgotten everything about having a kitten. She was so teeny tiny and was in to absolutely everything. There were gaps behind cupboards and fridges and washing machines to get into, boxes to explore, she wasted no time setting forth on her exploration.

Within a couple of minutes she had full control of the house and it continued that way for many months. We were enraptured with everything she did, except for when she’d hide under my bed in the morning and then leap out on my feet as I tried to get ready for work.

Then one day the RSPCA rang to tell us that the Pumpkin’s Mum and 2 of her siblings had died from feline leukaemia. The mother had been a stray and probably caught it out and about and passed it on to the babies. They advised us to go and get her tested to see if it was positive.

Turns out it was and in a week she went from being a fun-loving kitten, (who did sleep a lot but then what cat doesn’t?!) to not a well little person at all. Her nose was all pale and she didn’t want to play, just sleep all the time.

So 2 years ago today we had to take her to the vets to be put to sleep (by the way, how bad a month was this? Grandparents dying, kittens dying....).

She was only 9 months old and far too young for something like this to be happening to her. I always think about what could have been. She was such a fabulous cat and so beautiful.

RIP Pumpkin.

PS I did not name her

PPS The RSPCA were very good about the situation. They paid for the test and for the euthanasia and told us we would come back and get another kitten without having to pay the adoption fee again. As one of my friends said, “Well I should think so, they sold you faulty goods!”

PPPS We did go back and get another kitten, the infamous Mabel, but that is a story for another time.

Why I am sad this evening

The time I’ve been dreading has come. I’ve done all I can to put off the inevitable and hide my head in the sand but this evening I had to face facts.

It was time for Fred and Lily to go home.

Mum is back in town having looked after my nephews while my sister and her hubby went away for a week for her 40th birthday celebrations. I managed to hold her off for a day by telling her that I was VERY BUSY on Thursday night and she couldn’t come and get them.

But I had no excuses for tonight.

I’m not going to lie to you blog-friends. I shed a little tear when they had gone. They’ve been here a whole 10 days and I’ve got used to them now, I don’t want to let them go.

So I decided to blog about it. Let’s get the feelings out there I say!

I also decided I would make a list because lists make me feel comfortable and happy and help me to make sense of the world. So I decided that lists were in order – things I’m going to miss about not having the babies here and things I’m not going to miss.

Things I’m not going to miss

- Having to be extra vigilant whenever the kitchen is concerned. The critters can and will get in to anything. You might think you’ve tidied everything away but their mission is to prove you wrong.

- Being able to eat crisps in a calm and dignified manner, rather than trying to sneak or shovel them in to your mouth in an attempt to avoid a sneaky paw appearing and snatching them out of your hand.

- Being woken up at 5.30am by Fred, who thinks that is an appropriate time for everyone to get up.

- Getting scratched by Lily. I don’t know what is wrong with that girl. Her default position is ‘claws out’ at all times and she has a knack for managing to hook her claw right under your skin so that you actually can’t detach her from your hand/foot/face.

- Litter tray duty. Never fun. And also embarrassing when I get to the top of the stairs and can smell the deposit that’s been left in the tray which is just inside our door. I have to hope and pray that no-one else has come or gone from their flats recently and smelt it too!

- Having a bad back from lying in a contorted position because you don’t want to disturb the little babies sleeping at the end of the bed (ridiculous I know. But sadly very true).

- Having to fight for the boyfriend’s attention all the time because Fred is a little bit in love with him.

Things I am going to miss

- Not waking up to them at all. Yes Fred’s supremely annoying when he licks your chin in the morning or shoves his nose in to your nostril but it’s only because he wants the love from you.

- Not having them there when you come home. It’s nice to know that you’re coming home to something other than a dark and cold flat at the end of the day. Even if what you are coming home to is embarrassingly pungent poo and two furry people who scream at you to feed them.

- Not having a constant source of amusement. Pretty much everything they do cracks me up.

- Walking in to the bedroom and seeing them curled up together like they used to do when they were teeny tiny.

- Having an alert for when the boyfriend is coming home. They’re like dogs and can tell the difference between his steps and other people’s. They’re waiting at the door for him long before I hear the key turn.

- Being in the kitchen and looking up and seeing Fred on top of the cupboards keeping an eye on things......and Lily on the floor always hoping something might land in her bowl.

- Having a cat that you can mess about with and dress up like soft boy Fred.

2 lists. Both with 7 items.

But I think we know which one outweighs the other don’t we?

BRING THEM BACK TO ME!

(And before you say "Get your own!" I have to tell you that we're not allowed cats in the flat - stupid landlord rules. We're not even supposed to have these guys staying with us. Believe me I would love one but the boyfriend is sensible (boo to sensible!!) and says no, we have to wait.)

I had to share these 2 pictures with you as well that I took this morning when I was getting ready to go to work. I walk in to the bedroom and was greeted by this sight....

Hilarious non?

So I went to look out of the window and see what pigeon had caught their fancy and I got a little surprise.

It wasn’t a pigeon.

It was Hitler Cat.
We’re not sure who Hitler Cat belongs to but we see him quite a bit. First time I saw him I was quite worried because he is teeny weeny and I thought he might have been abandoned but he wouldn’t let me close to find out (does anyone else hate it when random cats shun them? I take it to heart and get quite upset about it). I think he’s fine though because we still see him about and he looks pretty healthy.

And there he was.

Up on next door’s roof, staring in at Fred and Lily.

Two cats on the inside and one on the outside.

(PS Please don’t be offended that we call him Hitler Cat. It’s just that he has a little moustache that is like....well....you know. And there’s this website see?)

A Day in the Life of Lily - Sunday 8th November 2009

6.20: Wake up. Fred annoying Other Mum and the Tall One by licking their faces. Never works, don’t know why he bothers.

6.32: Pigeon watch

7.21: Persuade Fred to go to sleep on the bed, give him a wash to encourage things.

8.25: Had enough of this. Neither of them showing any signs of actually getting up. Start biting their toes.

8.27: Other Mum gets up and feeds us.

8.41: Look wistfully out of window so Other Mum feels guilty about us being trapped inside the flat.

8.45: Snuggle up and have sleep time with Other Mum

10.12: I hear something! Tall One has woken up!

10:21: Pigeon watch

10.23 Fred’s playing with his plastic bag tie again. Try and join in but he hits me in the face.

10.25: FIGHT!!

10.30: Look at the rain out of the window with Fred. Maybe I don’t want to go outside after all.

10.46: They’re having leftover pizza for breakfast/lunch – that’s bad for them. Sit on the box to stop them opening it.

10.52: Sleep time. Sit on the back of the sofa where I can keep an eye on everything and everyone.

13.05: Have some biscuits. I hate that I’m rubbish at jumping. Fred’s always on top of the kitchen cupboards but I can’t get up there. Tall One takes pity on me and lifts me up there so I can see what it’s all about.

13.14: Why is everyone so quiet today? Tall One is on his computer and Other Mum is furiously cross stitching Christmas cards. Nothing for it but to go back to sleep.

14.22: Other Mum starts taking photos of me. She's been doing it ALL day. What the hell is her problem? I lunge at her to grab the camera off her but she sneakily manages to snatch it away.

15.20: ARGH! Fred just jumped on me! Why would he do that? Maybe he’s bored too.

16.37: Pigeon watch.

16.40: Other Mum goes to have a bath. She tells Tall One to feed us.

17.25: Other Mum comes out of bath. I let her know that Tall One didn’t feed us.

18:30: Fred didn’t finish his tea. I’ll sort that out.

18:41: Snuggle time with Other Mum

18.45: Oooh! Tall One is back from shops – leap up to go and greet him. Leave Other Mum with lacerations on her thighs.

19:34: HA! Found my own plastic tie thing. In your face Fred.

20:18: Find Fred on the bed. Have a nice sleep with him.

21:15 Oooh! I hear a crisp packet being opened!

21:51: Other Mum’s still cross-stitching. Think I’ll help her out. (Can’t believe they still haven’t moved that pizza box.)

22:20: Haha! Found Fred’s plastic tag. Yes yes yes.

22:22: Fred takes his plastic tag off me.

22.47: Sleeping all day has left me feeling pretty energetic. Time to chase Fred round and round the flat and climb on all the shelves and knock every one of Tall One’s birthday cards off.

23:28: Other Mum and Tall One go to bed. I’m not sleepy in the slightest and decide to play at pouncing on any part of their body that moves under the quilt.

23:46: Lights out? Really? Guess I’ll just go to sleep then.

PS Watch your toes in the morning.

A Day in the Life of Fred - Saturday 7th November 2009

5.30am - Wake up

5.33am - Lick Other Mum's face to wake her up. She is unresponsive.

5.50am - Stick nose in Other Mum's nostril. Still no signs of waking up.

6.05am - Start needling her bare arm. She moves - but only to put her arm under the quilt

6.15am - Repeat three former moves on the Tall One.

6.35am - Tall One gets up and feeds us

6.45am - Pigeon watch

7.05am - Retire back to bed with Other Mum. Went to go and sit with Tall One who is playing video games but he looks kind of annoyed at being up so early so I'll leave him alone.

9.25am - Tall One goes into the kitchen to make bacon sandwiches. I get up on the cupboards to watch proceedings.

9.53am - Lie in wait for bacon sandwich

9.55am - Oooh a fruit fly. I'll get it. Knock everything off the shelf trying to get it.

9.56am - Oooh a plastic bag tie. I love it. It's mine.

9.57am - Lily comes over to play with my plastic tie. Hiss at her to keep her away. She always bullies me.

10.00am - Drop plastic tie in Tall One's shoe and try and fish it out. Let Lily help because her claws are sharper than mine.

10.20am - Sleep under table.

10.28am - Get in my box. Can I go home yet?

11.09am - Is it lunch yet? Go and wait by kitchen door just in case.

11.20am - Wait for Other Mum to come out of shower and ask her to feed me.

11.27am - Give Lily a quick wash. No hard feelings about the plastic tie business.

11.28am Miaow outside the kitchen door for lunch.

11.45am - WHY HASN'T ANYONE FED ME YET?!

12.01pm - Biscuit time!!

12.15pm - Pigeon watch.

12.30pm - Sleep time.

2.30pm - Other Mum just gave me some smoked salmon. I love her.

2.35pm - Oh my god! Found my plastic tie again!

3.05pm - The Tall has sat down! Must sleep on him.

3.40pm - Oooh they have cake, I'll come back and sit with the Tall One and see if he gives me some.

3.43pm - No cake. I'm off.

3.45pm - Lily's in my Aldi bag. ATTACK!

3.50pm - Pigeon watch.

4.02pm - Sleep on Tall One

4.09pm - Oh my god! Someone's opening crisps! Oh. It's chocolate buttons.

4.11pm - Sleep on the Tall One.

4.26pm - Sleep under table.

5.00pm - FOOD TIME!

5.15pm - Alone time under the bed.

5.55pm - Oooh! Found my plastic tie again!

6.30pm - Something's going on, Other Mum has the hot stick out doing stuff to her hair. Makes me feel a bit nervous. Starting to get a bit jumpy.

6.54pm - Something's definitely happening. Retreated to the top of the kitchen cupboards just in case.

7.10pm - Ooooh! Nibbles!! I'll stop being nervous. Still have my scared face on.

7.35pm - Feel a bit better after some crispy things. Sleep on the bed. Something's still up though, so my ears are on alert.

8.15pm - ARGH!! PEOPLE!!! Run and hide!

8.45pm - Ooooh pizza! I'll come out.

9.15pm - They're not too scary but I'm pretty tired. I'll sleep on the bed.

23.50pm - Aaaah everyone's leaving. See you, bye.

Midnight - The Tall One is mine. All mine. Time for bed. See you at 5.30am.

PS. Don't move that plastic tie. I'm going to need it tomorrow.