The Competition

Yes X-box I see you there.

I see your green malevolent eye glittering at me.

I know your game. I'm on to you.

Yes you do have the ability to completely distract my boyfriend whenever my back is turned. I walk out of the room and within minutes I hear the sound of gunfire and an indistinct 'foreign' voice (I think it's meant to be Russian but I'm never sure).

And yes you have the ability to reduce him to a bit of a drooling wreck, unable to communicate with me when I ask him questions because he's too busy clicking and tapping away on the controller.

And yeah ok when my nephews came round at the weekend you provided a much better distraction for them than I did, further highlighting that I am no longer the cool Auntie I once was when they were younger. And I can't even join in because I can't play those stupid games.

Yeah and the games are stupid. They are silly games that I don't even want to play. I don't want to hear my Call of Duty or become a Hitman, I didn't like Star Wars the film so am definitely not interested in playing it in Lego form and I don't even like watching the Olympics, let alone trying to make some little man do the pole vault by alternatively hitting the X and Y button (or whatever it is I was supposed to do).

Ok....wait....there is Guitar Hero which I do like so I'll let you have that one but it's a pain having to drag the drums out and I prefer the drums to the guitar. And I can't even play it on my own because I don't know how to switch you on properly. And I'm pretty sure that's your fault.

Why don't you have The Sims? I think I'd like that game. Or just something that doesn't involve shooting Germans or Russians or whoever the enemy du jour is. I don't like the shooting games. I get panicky and scream and end of throwing the controller (actually a true story when I tried the one and only time to play Lara Croft on the Playstation).

Well whatever. I know you're after him but you won't win.

....And I bet you can't make carrot cake.

So there.