A tale of two cousins

Once upon a time there was a child born unto a man.

And lo this child was a girl and there was much rejoicing because she was a) a girl, b) the man’s first child, c) the first child born unto the man’s side of the family and d) she was frickin’ brilliant.

And this girl led a wonderful, charmed life, doted on by all who gazed upon her and much lauded and praised by all who spent time with her.

Then, a mere 14 months later, the man’s sister had a baby, another girl was added to the family.

“How wonderful” they all proclaimed “Little girl cousins, so close in age, they will be the best of friends.”
Wrong.

The eldest cousin was, to be frank, a bit of a spoiled brat. She was the worst of combinations, a youngest child and also sort of an only child, having 2 much older siblings.

The cousins didn’t see that much of each other, the eldest lived in Hull and the youngest all the way down in the deepest realms of the South, also known as Devon. So when they came together it was usually for week long holidays.

The youngest cousin ruined everything. She was cuter and younger and always got her own way. This displeased the bratty older cousin who was used to all the attention.

This photo aptly demonstrates the 2 cousin’s relationship:

The eldest cousin wanted the yellow bag with the red strap. The youngest cousin was given it. Not. Fair.

Sometimes they got on. Usually when the youngest cousin adoringly followed the eldest cousin about.

As time went on they grew up and grew apart. The eldest child didn’t speak to her Dad for many years and lost contact with that side of the family, she didn’t see her little cousin for a long long time. When they got back in touch everything had changed.

The eldest cousin was no longer as much of a brat. Or at least she hid it better. This was a good thing because the youngest cousin was now ridiculously attractive, could dance, and was studying to become a Doctor. This would have pushed the eldest cousin over the edge had they been younger.

And they now had the ability to become very good friends, the closeness in their ages was a positive and they were actually very similar – mainly because they both liked a drink and shared a rather evil sense of humour. (And they also now united in a dislike for the littlest girl cousin, who came 5 years late to the party.)

But still the distance kept them apart. And the price of train fares in this stupid country. Until eventually, the eldest cousin figured that God invented credit cards for this exact reason and booked a ticket to go and see her younger cousin, now a real-life Doctor, and living by the sea in a far off place known as Newton Abbot.

See you after the weekend.

Oh wait, didn’t I tell you? That story was about me! I’m the eldest cousin. Aren’t I hilarious and clever and still obviously the best cousin? (say yes say yes say yes)