Wednesday, 3 February 2010

The devil's craft

Like many before me I was seduced by the adverts.
They promised me things.

I felt like they had answered my prayers. How did they know I had declared 2010 the Year of the Crochet?

And here, before me, for a mere 99p (to start with) I could learn! There was wool! And a hook! And easy step by step instructions!

I was whisked away with it all. I had visions of a home like Attic 24 - I would bask in the adoration of those who appreciated the magic I would weave with a hook and some wool.

Has anyone ever told you how frigging annoying crocheting is?

Afterwatching the DVD and reading the magazine, I embarked on my mission - easy peasy.

Not easy peasy.

Turns out either I can't follow instructions or the instrutions were no good (I'm tempted to go with the former if I'm honest) because what was appearing from my hook bore no resemblance to what I was supposed to be producing.

I spent a whole day trying to figure it out. The boyfriend must have been sick and tired of my ball of wool begin thrown across the room. As I hooked and then tore apart my hook, the wool became as frayed as my temper.

Help eventually came in the form of Stitch & Bitch, where one of the girls showed me the error of my ways.

After many many many more attempts (including a complete inability of crochet straight lines, I had more curves in the edges of my work than Kelly Brook), I finally crocheted a square of treble stitch.

There was much rejoicing.

But this wasn't good enough. I want to make the square that the magazine wanted me to make. If I didn't do it I would feel it was mocking me.

Well mock away magazine because I officially give up. I have everything you asked of me. I have pulled apart countless swatches and instead of looking like the picture in the magazine, my square bears no resemblance to it whatsoever.

I didn't want to make your stupid blanket anyway.

My Stitch & Bitchers have solidly stood by me and encouraged me and have put up with me temper tantruming in the corner. They eventually managed to get me to make a flower which I am very proud of (but which I can't really do anything with because it is a rather crazy shade of orange). I will persevere however and next on the list is a granny square.

But for now, I'm returning to my soothing cross stitch for a while. It understands me, it makes sense, there aren't a billion different stitches and instructions, just up one hole and down the other.

Peace and tranquility have returned to the flat.

For now...


Swirlyarts said...

If you want to do a granny square you should check out Meet me At Mikes - she has videos and everything!


I love the flower! back it in flet and an equally garish shade big button, for example pink and a smaller on just to clash a bit more, add a brooch clip at the back and ta!da! your own brooch. Kx

sallyrose45 said...

Shit the cama, I wanted to learn to crochet too... Maybe I'll just stick to stitching doilies onto everything I find.

Cute flower tho, lush colour!


Petit Filoux said...

Haha well good on you for trying! but you shouldn't give up too easily, when I taught myself knitting about a year ago now, it was really hard to start with and the internet (videos) became my best friend! but you get the hand of things after a while, try again in a week and see how it feels! i want to learn how to crochet too but i think i should explore the world of knitting a little bit more first!

P said...

I'm scared this will happen to me when I try to re-learn knitting at some stage this year.

I used to LOVE crocheting though (don't remember how to do it though). I ALSO Loved french-knitting - did you ever do that?

The Curious Cat said...

I reckon I'd be just like you if I got into crochet...I can't do instructions to save my life...but I will endeavour it one day and I'll probably moan and wail like you- but you will be there 'crochet expert' by then and you'll be the one advising me... xxx

Anonymous said...

I saw your comment on cjane and had to pop over to your blog, since I'm another Brit who reads that blog and wants to visit Utah!

Well done you on crocheing (not sure that is the right spelling?!). I am a crochet want to be! said...

Ha ha! You too hey! I bought the dvd and the mag too, I also subscribed just to get the free gifts (so sad) , but will probably cancel that soon! Believe me you have caught the hang of it much better than me! I have an image of sitting peacefully crocheting blankets and all wondrous creations! Not so yet! You have done well! suzie xxx

mise said...

Your crochet looks fine! Crochet edges are often a bit wonky (mine are anyhow) but you just crochet on a pretty lace edging and there you are.