The devil's craft

Like many before me I was seduced by the adverts.

They promised me things.

I felt like they had answered my prayers. How did they know I had declared 2010 the Year of the Crochet?

And here, before me, for a mere 99p (to start with) I could learn! There was wool! And a hook! And easy step by step instructions!

I was whisked away with it all. I had visions of a home like Attic 24 - I would bask in the adoration of those who appreciated the magic I would weave with a hook and some wool.

Has anyone ever told you how frigging annoying crocheting is?

Afterwatching the DVD and reading the magazine, I embarked on my mission - easy peasy.

Not easy peasy.

Turns out either I can't follow instructions or the instrutions were no good (I'm tempted to go with the former if I'm honest) because what was appearing from my hook bore no resemblance to what I was supposed to be producing.

I spent a whole day trying to figure it out. The boyfriend must have been sick and tired of my ball of wool begin thrown across the room. As I hooked and then tore apart my hook, the wool became as frayed as my temper.

Help eventually came in the form of Stitch & Bitch, where one of the girls showed me the error of my ways.

After many many many more attempts (including a complete inability of crochet straight lines, I had more curves in the edges of my work than Kelly Brook), I finally crocheted a square of treble stitch.

There was much rejoicing.

But this wasn't good enough. I want to make the square that the magazine wanted me to make. If I didn't do it I would feel it was mocking me.

Well mock away magazine because I officially give up. I have everything you asked of me. I have pulled apart countless swatches and instead of looking like the picture in the magazine, my square bears no resemblance to it whatsoever.

I didn't want to make your stupid blanket anyway.

My Stitch & Bitchers have solidly stood by me and encouraged me and have put up with me temper tantruming in the corner. They eventually managed to get me to make a flower which I am very proud of (but which I can't really do anything with because it is a rather crazy shade of orange). I will persevere however and next on the list is a granny square.

But for now, I'm returning to my soothing cross stitch for a while. It understands me, it makes sense, there aren't a billion different stitches and instructions, just up one hole and down the other.

Peace and tranquility have returned to the flat.

For now...