An open letter to the oldies

Dear Pensioners,

Let me begin this letter by thanking you for all the work you have done for this country. You have worked hard for many years, some of you even fighting in wars for our freedom, and you thoroughly deserve to have some time off and enjoy your lives.

However.

I have one very small favour to ask. Could I please ask you to refrain from enjoying your lives and going in to town between the hours of 12pm and 2pm, especially in the run up to the festive period. You don’t want to be among the hubbub of people, you should avoid the melee, stay at home and have a nice bowl of soup.

In particular it would be much appreciated if you could keep clear of;
- Marks & Spencers
- Banks
- The Post Office

You see the problem is that those of us who are still working in an attempt to earn our own pensions one day only have a very short period of time to get our lunch, post our letters, pay in our cheques, pick up a few bits for tea and have a look for some pressies. And when you guys are in these places....well.....it just makes life so difficult.

Really you have all day to do this stuff. Most of you are up at 5am, maybe you could run your errands first thing in the morning when the shops open?

I know that life at times must be a little dull when you reach the later stages of life and your only source of excitement comes from slowly browsing the shelves in the M&S food court, deciding what to spend your hard-earned pension on. But you know what? Those shelves are still going to be there after lunchtime and won’t it be nicer to browse at your leisure without some young upstart jiggling and jostling behind you, trying to reach for the last BLT?

I know that you might be lonely and look forward to your chats with the lovely lady in the post office but think how much more time she could spend talking with you when there isn’t a rather large queue of shuffling people in suits and ties, groaning under the weight of all the Christmas packages they want to send off.

I hope this letter has not caused any offence. I merely want to make the town centre a comfortable environment for all Hull’s citizens and avoid me completely LOSING IT AND SMACKING ONE OF YOU WITH MY UMBRELLA.

Yours sincerely,

The Girl.