Only left handers are in their right minds.

Have I mentioned that I’m left-handed?

It’s very strange being left-handed because whilst it’s very normal for me, it seems a great source of wonderment for everyone else.

I’ll be innocently writing something down and someone will exclaim “I didn’t know you were left-handed!!” with the same tone you might reserve for discovering I was from Mars.

It confuses me a little because I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to say in reply to this statement. “Yes I am. My apologies for not fore-warning you of my freakishness.”

I mean I guess I’m in the minority but is it really that weird?

And then there are the people who seem completely freaked out about it and go on and on and on and on and on about how it’s not normal and usually end up insulting you. One of the best one’s I’ve ever had came from a work colleague, “You’re left handed?? But your handwriting’s so neat!” Yes because most left-handed people hold a pen in their fist and daub strokes all over the page whilst right-handed people all have perfect handwriting don’t they?!

(See look a list of other left-handed people. I wrote it in my best handwriting for you)

Left-handers also get accused of acting as if they’re special. Now you can’t have it both ways – you can’t tell us we’re not normal and then have a go at us for revelling in our specialness.

And then there are the people who don’t believe that your life can actually be impeded by you favouring your left side over your right. Not the case my friends!

My childhood memories of primary school are mired by the endless mocking I received for not being able to cut things out properly. I couldn’t cut within the lines and I would often end up ripping the paper. Very traumatic. Anyway it turns out it wasn’t my fault! Scissors are made for right-handed people, meaning that when us lefties use them, they’re upside down. Or back to front. Whatever. Either way it’s not our fault. (And if you wanted a better explanation then go here)

Some of the things I personally have trouble with are:
- Corkscrews
- Tin openers
- Fancy belts – if the buckle has a picture on it, it’ll be upside down when I first put it on
- Peeling anything

We live in a right-handed world – even things you wouldn’t think about are biased towards you righties.

Rulers are a good example! Rulers can be a nightmare for us. When you’re left handed and you go to draw a measured line you have to hold your arm and hand in the air because otherwise they block the numbers and you can’t see what you’re doing. Left-handed rulers have the numbers backwards to make life easier for us poor little souls. Want to buy a present for a school-age lefty? Go here...

Actually, don’t. School’s tough enough without turning up with a backwards ruler.

In conclusion, please don’t treat us like freaks, we can’t help it. And the way things are going with political correctness soon you won’t be able to laugh at us – you will be offending our civil liberties.

Also we could take you on. We’re left-handed and you wouldn’t see our punches coming.

However.

Here are some things associated with lefties that this left hander doesn’t do...

1. I do not write with my hand bent over in a strange angle. Neither do my father or sister. We hold our pens normally. This is a cause of great rage with me. No need to hold your pen in a misshapen claw President Obama – just turn the paper round to a different angle.
2. I use a mouse with my right hand.

3. I don’t play the guitar, but if I did, I’d play it right handed. I think.

So go on. Next time you see a leftie. Don’t proclaim your astonishment for all the world to hear.

Just laugh inside your head.